5 Ways To Keep Your Personal Identity When You’re A Wife And Mother

I’m a wife and mother, but I’m still me. 

This world starts to define you and the way you “should” act when you reach certain milestones in life. The world tells us, teenagers need to test their parents boundaries, single adults should date a lot before settling down, and mothers have to release their ambitions and dreams to focus on their family. While I believe that there are LOTS of things to celebrate at each milestone, I do not believe that we need to accept what our society has told us.

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I remember feeling like I had lost part of my personal identity shortly after getting married. Don’t get me wrong, I loved that I was married to the man of my dreams, but I didn’t like that I lost all descriptive attributes. People started recognizing me as “Nathan’s wife.” I was no longer the girl with green eyes, bouncy hair, and a sassy attitude. When people would ask, I was “Nathan’s wife.”

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When I became a mother I had put an unrealistic pressure to be perfect on myself. I needed to make sure my baby didn’t cry in public, I needed to be okay with sleep deprivation, I needed to sacrifice all of my personal time. These things were expectations I allowed to be placed on myself.

Both times I had to make a decision of whether I was going to accept these standards or break free. Here are the 5 tips to help maintain your personal identity.

Number 1- Journal

Sit down and write. Let yourself vent. Let your mind be creative and explore your thoughts. Learn what type of person you are by re-reading the pages later. I have found a lot about myself by re-reading old journal entries.

Number 2- Take Personal Time

I know I know, Its hard but seriously take some personal time away from the house. Go to the gym (if that’s your thing), go grab yourself a caramel frap from Starbucks, even if its only to go get groceries from wally-world. Wait for your husband to get home and let him watch the kids (if you have any) and just go do something all-by-yourself. You’ll come home refreshed and excited to see your husband and kids.

Number 3- Dream Up A New Dream

Take the time and find something that you’re passionate about and use that passion to create a dream. My most recent dream has been my blog. To create financial freedom for my family by doing something I’m passionate about. Whats your new passion? Art, Music, writing, blogging, dancing? Nothing is off limits so dream big.

Number 4- Create Goals

Create a goal based on your dream. Mine was to create a custom and professional blog and fill it with amazing content. For example: If your new dream is art, your goal could be to learn different painting brush strokes.

Number 5- Spend Time Praying

Remember that your identity is directly tied to God. You are already made in his image. Your worth is NOT determined by what you feel like, your worth comes from Jesus. He already died to be with you. Spend time in prayer and God will give us wisdom (James 1:5), peace about our situations (Philippians 4:7), and hope (Romans 15:13). He’s really REALLY good about giving guidance when we ask.

I hope this was a helpful post. You’re not alone. Everyone has felt like they have been lacking or lost at one point. Thankfully, we CAN get back on track. Dream big. Remember, you might be a wife and mom but you are still you!

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12 comments

  1. This was such a helpful post! I need to get back into journaling. It’s so healthy to let things go. I try to sneak in time alone in the morning before everyone wakes up. I e been dreaming big and taking small steps to get there. And definitely praying daily!

    1. That’s so awesome! It’s encouraging to hear other women trying to get time in, wherever you can. Good for for waking up early and taking the initiative. It’s the best thing we can do for ourselves and it makes us better moms. 😊

  2. Love, love love this! I struggle with this daily. I actually felt just like this last night. I have a 2 year old and I thank God everyday for her because it took 7 years to have her, but there are times when I have to make sure I am not losing myself in the process. I used to feel guilty about taking personal time and I still have to work on that.

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