Miscarriage is a physical, emotional, and spiritual battle. There are things that I never understood before I had my first miscarriage. 17 days ago, I had my third miscarriage in two and a half years of marriage and I’m broken but my heart is healing. Today I’m going to talk about how I’m taking care of myself emotionally and spiritually and how you can too, if you’re experiencing a loss.
“There is a unique pain that comes from preparing a place in your heart for a child that never comes.” -Davis Platt
If I’m being totally honest, I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to write this. I didn’t know if I was ready to be transparent with everyone on the internet, but I felt compelled to. I wanted this post to be perfect so I wrote and rewrote this four times. I eventually came to the conclusion that this will never be perfect, but I can openly share my honest feelings and struggles with you.
This loss was the hardest I’ve experienced. Physically, I bled much longer with this miscarriage and had intense cramping. Emotionally and Spiritually I was a mess, and that’s okay. This time was harder because my husband was out of town and I was taking care of my 8 month old son, all while losing a child.
From the moment I got the two pink lines, I loved this baby. That is something that some people don’t understand because they have never cherished a life they haven’t yet met. But for me, this baby had a soul and I felt like my body failed again. I wanted to hold this baby, watch it grow up.
“God, I would have loved to held my baby on my lap and and tell them about you, but since I didn’t get that chance, would you please hold him on yours and tell him about me?” -Unknown
I couldn’t understand why God would give me these lives to carry and take them away so quickly. I will never know the answer to this question. But, I am certain that God’s knowledge is far more vast than my finite mind can comprehend, and this is part of His complex plan.
Even when I don’t understand, God is good. When I go through trials, God is good.
The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:18
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. -Psalm 147:3
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. -Matthew 5:4
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. -Psalm 46:1
“Grief only exists where love lived first.” -Franchesea Cox
After experiencing my third miscarriage I have 3 points for anyone dealing with loss.
-The first is surround yourself with like minded people.- Its important that you be with people who value the life you lost. Be with people who will let you sit and cry without saying anything. Be with people who will pray for you and let these people bring moments of joy into your life. I know you’re hurting and confused but let them crack a joke. It will make you feel better, even if it’s for just a second. It will take time for you to feel like yourself again, but laughter really is the best medicine.
-Do not overshare until you’re ready.- You will be overwhelmed, trust me. There will be people who will want to shower you with “kind words” and “Encouragement”. If you are not ready for people saying stupid things to you, then don’t tell anyone outside your trusted circle. You will hear things like, “Well, at least it was early”, “Well, at least you still have one healthy child”, and “It’s for the best that this happened, there was probably something wrong with it.” People will intend for these phrases to bring you comfort, but they wont. They will make you angry or sad. So please, make sure you’re mentally ready to deal with those type of comments before you let anyone know.
-Lastly, don’t be afraid of finding joy in life again.- I had to realize that it was okay for me to feel happy again. I felt that as soon as I found joy again, the life I carried with-in me would be lost and forgotten forever. But I have since found that I needed to have joy to truly appreciate the gift I received. I will have children waiting for me in heaven. Children that have known no sin, mourning, or pain. They are spotless. The first thing they saw when they opened their eyes was the face of Jesus, and that I can find joy in.