My son just turned 14 months old and from the moment I found out I was pregnant, I was excited. Excited about life with-in me, excited about the love I would have for this child, excited for the joy a child would bring me. And everyone told me what an exciting journey this would be. It is an exciting journey, but there is so much they don’t tell you. So I’m going to let you know what the first year of motherhood is really like.
Motherhood makes you happy over really weird things.
Never in my life have I been excited to see someone else’s poop. I use to be a CNA at a nursing home, so I’ve definitely wiped a lot of poop. But I’ve never been so happy that someone finally pooped that I did a victory dance around the house.
Or farting. When your infant has gas, hearing your baby fart and knowing that they are feeling relief brings you uncontrollable joy.
Motherhood is being excited and sad when your baby reaches milestones.
This is something I never expected. I thought I’d be so happy at every milestone, but I wasn’t. I even cried at some. When Oliver started to crawl I was so sad and happy. I knew that his infant days were about to slip away and his toddler days were approaching quickly. It made me so happy and proud to see him develop, but it also made me sad that I was quickly loosing his baby stage.
Motherhood is wanting to sleep all the time, but not sleeping because you don’t want to miss anything.
This last year I have been a walking corpse. Making it out of the house with make up on and my hair done is nothing short of a miracle. At first I wanted to be awake with Oliver because I was afraid I was going to miss a smile or a giggle. And when you’ve got a newborn on your hands, those smiles only happen once in a blue moon. You don’t want to miss them, but you will also want to be sleeping every moment of every day.
Motherhood is being stressed about being a good mom.
I was stressed out from the moment I found out I was pregnant. It’s in our nature to take care of our offspring. When I was pregnant it was, “Can I eat this?”, “How much caffeine can I have?” , “I’m afraid bending down too fast will hurt the baby.”
Then after the baby is born it’s, “Why isn’t breastfeeding working?”, “Why isn’t he pooping?”, “He wont stop crying.” ,”Should we vaccinate?” ,”Yay, he’s walking.”, “Oh no, he just fell and hit his head, do we take him to the hospital or just watch him at home?”
It’s only natural that you’d feel so stressed out because that little baby’s development is completely dependent on you. For me, it was an honor to take on this stress. I would gladly do it again in the future. But take a breath, if you’re stressing out about being a good mom, you’re probably already a good mom.
Motherhood is wanting personal time away from your baby, but missing them like crazy while you’re gone.
The first time I left and took time to myself, my husband stayed home with Oliver. It only took me about 20 minutes to FaceTime Nathan so that I could see Oliver. I probably FaceTimed him 5 times in the 2 hours I was away.
Motherhood means having a full heart and an empty head.
You’ve probably heard it said that most women develop “pregnancy brain”. I totally did. What no one told me was that it never goes away after having a baby. You’ll still accidentally leave the house in your slippers. You’ll forget why you went to the store. It never ends.
Motherhood is thinking your toddler is so cute while they destroy your home.
I’m not even over-exaggerating. You will watch that little monster you created destroy your home and think it’s so cute in the process. Your nice curtain rods will be bent from them pulling on the curtains, because they needed to play peek-a-boo with them. Your nice wood coffee table with have scratches and gouges on the top because they learned how to pull themselves up and play on it. Your dining chairs will have bite marks on the legs because their teeth hurt. And guess what? You’ll think its the cutest thing you’ve ever seen a little person do.
My first year of being a mom was incredible. But it wasn’t incredible all the time. Sometimes it was crying alone in the bathroom. Sometimes it was doing a happy dance because Oliver pooped. The first year of motherhood is really like a roller coaster. A roller coaster that I would gladly ride again, when the time comes to have another.